i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
