i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
