I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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