I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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