people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
