Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
if only i could text you this smell
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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