My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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