I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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