okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize