Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
