Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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