Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
