i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
