grandma shit on top of the toilet
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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