apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
