I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
