tell your sister to shave her snatch
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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