Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
