piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
