New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
