you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
