she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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