we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
