i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
