First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
