i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
