I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize