what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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