I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
