I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
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