??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
