He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
