you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
