i think my tv is drunk
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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