the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
