I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
