WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
