It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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