hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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