i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
