i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You have to summon your inner elephant
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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