All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just blew my weed a kiss
the liver wants what the liver wants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
