Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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