when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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