it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
