We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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