So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
