now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
