I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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