i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
