by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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