i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
