i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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