New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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