I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize