I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
You don't make any sense
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