return my video game
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I want a musical about memes.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
