i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
