Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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