I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
