It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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