we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
