I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
