Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
