my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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