I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
