So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
